Merely Ice
by nanjarohoihoi
Summary: "I felt like that was my destiny. I was merely to turn to ice with no hope of ever being thawed. Tears frozen in time - an eternal punishment for the crimes I committed." // Kenyako


_Author's Notes:   
This fic is a Kenyako with a twist. I am using names from the Japanese version of Digimon. Here's a small guide:   
  
Names  
Miyako - Yolei  
Daisuke - Davis  
Hikari - Kari  
Takeru - TK  
Iori - Cody  
Ken - Ken   
  
Terms/Words  
Digimon Kaiserin - the female version of Digimon Kaiser (could also be "Digimon Empress")   
  
I think that's about it. This fic is a little confusing at first, but it should make sense by the end. Please feel free to review and tell me what you think! Anyway, enjoy... _   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**Merely Ice**  
  
  
It was cold. It was so very cold.   
  
The cold liquid from the sky continued to pound down onto my body. I could feel my body shiver in the cold. Gently, I felt a strange liquid began to pour out of the corners of my eyes, and it mingled with the rain. I looked down at my hands as I trembled.   
  
It was cold. It was dark. I was alone.   
  
My mind was crying out in pain. It was all my fault! All the destruction! All the pain! All the suffering! But that wasn't what hurt. It hurt that I didn't realize it until now.   
  
I laughed to myself at the irony of my situation. It took my enemies to show me the light. It was those chosen children. Remembering them made me feel worse. I caused them so many problems. I planned against them. I tried to destroy them. I caused them so much trouble. The same words continued to repeat themselves in my mind over and over again.   
  
_What have I done?_   
  
I had let darkness into my once pure heart. The bitter irony was that I was the child of love and sincerely. Those chosen children... Why did they have to stop me? What did they know? They had each other. All of them worked together as a team. I remembered their names - Takeru, Hikari, Iori, Daisuke, and...   
  
Ken.   
  
Why did that name haunt me? He was the one who finally got it through my head that I was doing something wrong. He was the one who showed me what I was really doing. It was his fault that I was feeling all that guilt. But why... Why did he haunt my thoughts?   
  
Maybe it was because he was the first person to ever care about me. He cared even though I was their enemy. I was the Digimon Kaiserin. I enslaved digimon. I tried to take over the entire Digital World. Why would he even think of caring about me?   
  
I shivered as I stared out at the world through my tear-stained eyes. All I could see were shadows and different shades of darkness. I let my body fall to the soft ground. Everything was wet. I was very cold. I curled up into a ball and brought my legs to my chest. I was still wearing that uniform. It was the same uniform I was once so proud to wear. Now, it served as a bitter reminder. My hair fell around my head and stuck to my face.   
  
It was his eyes. That's what was bothering me - Ken's eyes. They pierced right through me and into my soul. He saw me for who I was. He saw that I really did care. And in the end, he was able to use that. In all the darkness, he showed me light so that I could see. But what did I see? I saw what I had done. I saw all the pain I caused!   
  
Ken was the only chosen child to care about me. All the others hated me. They wanted to destroy me, but Ken stopped them. He said that I should get a chance. But what kind of chance was this? I had no where to go. I had no one to turn to. I had no family. I had no friends. The real world was so cold. Maybe this was why I ran off to the Digital World in the first place. I had to get away from the loneliness and the sadness. The loving little girl inside me died a long time ago. There was no way I would ever return to the Digital World. After everything I had done, I never wanted to go back. I couldn't face the reality of it all.   
  
That was why I was sitting on the wet ground in the park in the middle of the night. I was soaking wet and I was letting the rain fall all around me. The temperature was almost enough to freeze the rain. I was cold. My hands were ice. I found that the saying was wrong - cold hands don't bring a warm heart. My heart was ice. It was frozen solid.   
  
The cold rain seemed fitting. It was real. It was just like me. It fell from the sky, and no one wanted to catch it.   
  
Chills went up and down my spine and I was freezing. My cold tears blurred my vision. I did not deserve to live. I didn't even deserve warmth. My body refused to give me any. It, too, was punishing me. I felt like that was my destiny. I was merely to turn to ice with no hope of ever being thawed. Tears frozen in time - an eternal punishment for the crimes I committed.   
  
I closed my eyes and rested my head on my knee. I was out of energy. My body felt weak and drained. I was ready to give in and fall into eternal sleep. It was strange. The thought almost seemed comforting.   
  
I stayed there in the gentle rain. I didn't move, and my thoughts were non-existent. I simply listened to the rain. This was where I felt I belonged. This would be where it all would end. This would be my final moment.   
  
I listened to the world one last time. The pattering of the rain was so peaceful - the rhythm of water droplets hitting the ground.   
  
However, something changed. I could hear something different than the rain. I could hear footsteps. They were coming closer, and so was my time. I let out what I thought was my last breath, and at the same moment, I heard someone calling.   
  
"Miyako!"   
  
It all disappeared - all the sounds, everything stopped.   
  
I was expecting that to be my end.   
  
I suddenly felt something. In all the darkness, I felt warmth. It surrounded me. The feeling was overwhelming. The warmth was the only thing I could feel. It was silent.   
  
Slowly, I began to feel my body again. I was confused, and I was too weak to think. My body was still cold, but something was around me. Something was giving me warmth.   
  
Time didn't exist. Moments were centuries.   
  
I became aware that I was still alive. Someone was holding me. Whoever it was, they were warm. I felt their warmth pierce through my cold skin. It reached my heart. Something was happening.   
  
I regained my sense of hearing. There was definitely someone with me. I could hear gentle breathing near me. I could hear a heartbeat. It was close to me.   
  
Another feeling returned - I could feel a touch. Warm hands were stroking my face.   
  
I wanted to move, but I couldn't. I tried to open my eyes, but I failed. I tried to move my mouth, but I found that I could not do so. My body was positioned naturally, and it was still.   
  
I found myself in a strange state. The last thing I remembered was trying to give away my life, but now in the presence of this warmth, I found myself struggling to take it back. I found a strange strength in this warmth. It was as if it was calling me.   
  
I tried to open my eyes again. I wanted my life back. I wanted to know whose warmth I was feeling.   
  
The darkness around me began to fade. A light was shining through. I opened my eyes, and found myself looking into two blue spheres.   
  
I felt myself gasp in silence. I knew those eyes all too well. Yet, I was too weak to move and to speak.   
  
"Miyako?" he asked. His gentle voice was comforting.   
  
I wanted to answer, but I found that I couldn't. I collected as much of my remaining strength as I could, and pressed against the warm figure holding me. My body felt fragile in its weakened state. I wanted a source of support. I closed my tear-filled eyes and pressed my head against his chest.   
  
To my surprise, he returned the feeling and held me close. My cold body needed his warmth. It was as if this warmth was the only thing I needed to live.   
  
I now became aware of my surroundings. We were on his bed, and he was holding my cold and damp body close to his own.   
  
"Shhh..." he comforted. "It'll be alright. I won't leave you."   
  
His words brought more tears to my eyes. There was no doubt in my mind that he was telling the truth. He brought me closer. I could feel more of his warmth. I was wrong before. This was where I belonged. I belonged in this warmth - I belonged in this emotion. This was his warmth... This was Ken's warmth...   
  
Ken was the only one who cared, and I cared about him.   
  
That was my turning point. Throughout my life - through all the trials and tribulations - I never let go of his warmth. And his warmth never let go of me.   
  
Ken thawed my heart of ice...   
  
  



End file.
